Why Are You Talking About This Gay Stuff in Primary? How To Respond to Parents

If you work in a school long enough, sooner or later someone will ask why you are talking about LGBTQ+ topics, or showing books with same-sex parents, to primary-aged children. Sometimes it’s a polite, curious question. Other times, it comes with suspicion or even anger. Either way, it can feel daunting to answer.

The first thing to remember is that many people’s views are shaped by their own schooling and upbringing. If you went to school at a time when LGBTQ+ people were rarely mentioned, when families were always presented as “mum, dad, and children,” and when certain topics were considered off-limits, then it’s natural to see inclusive teaching as unusual, or even unnecessary. In the UK, this is amplified by the legacy of Section 28, which meant that for years teachers were discouraged from talking positively about LGBTQ+ people at all. Many parents of today’s pupils went through school under that law — it’s no wonder they have questions or concerns. This is not an excuse for prejudice, but it helps explain why some people start from a place of uncertainty.

In our work with schools, we have seen that the most effective responses begin from empathy, not defensiveness. If a parent asks why you are covering this in primary, it can be tempting to jump in with legal requirements or moral arguments straight away. While those are important, starting with shared values is more effective. For example, you might say, “We all want children to grow up kind, respectful, and ready for the world they live in.” This frames the conversation around something almost everyone agrees with.

It’s also worth remembering that fears are often fuelled by misinformation. We’ve worked with schools where pushback reduced dramatically once parents could actually see the resources being used. A parent who has been told their six-year-old will be “taught about sex” might completely change their view when they see the reality — a simple storybook showing two penguin dads caring for their chick. In one school we supported through our Inclusion Health Check, we recommended an open evening where parents could browse age-appropriate resources and ask staff questions. The result? Fewer complaints, more trust.

However, not all approaches work. We’ve also seen schools try to “soften” the message by avoiding LGBTQ+ inclusion in early years altogether, hoping to prevent conflict. The problem with that is twofold. Firstly, it sends a signal to pupils in LGBTQ+ families that their experiences are not valued. Secondly, it makes any later introduction of inclusion feel sudden and more controversial. It’s far better to embed inclusion from the start in a gentle, age-appropriate way.

When explaining your approach, be clear about what inclusion actually looks like at different ages. At primary level, it’s not about teaching sexual relationships — it’s about friendship, kindness, and recognising that families can look different. You can explain that you talk about foster families, single parents, and grandparents raising children alongside same-sex parents. By situating LGBTQ+ inclusion within a broader framework of diversity, you make it harder for it to be singled out as something “extra” or “political.”

Of course, there will be times when, no matter how calmly and clearly you explain, a parent refuses to accept your reasoning. In those situations, it’s important to stay professional and keep communication open, but also to be clear about the school’s values and statutory obligations. We’ve seen schools handle this well by acknowledging a parent’s viewpoint, explaining the legal framework, and making it clear that while they respect different opinions, they have a duty to reflect all pupils’ lives in the curriculum. If things escalate, having policies in place — and staff trained to handle these conversations — makes all the difference.

This is exactly where our work at More Than Flags and Rainbows can help. Our staff training doesn’t just teach what to say, but how to say it in a way that builds trust and confidence. Our Inclusion Health Check gives schools a clear, tailored action plan so they can embed inclusive practice consistently across the curriculum and wider school life. That way, when the tricky questions come, you’re not just reacting — you’re responding from a place of preparation and confidence.

Ultimately, the aim is not to “win” an argument, but to create understanding. You may not convince every parent, but you can make sure they know that your goal is the same as theirs: to give every child the education and sense of belonging they deserve. And that’s something worth standing firm on.